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Thoughts of failed novels – 3

Thoughts of the hope I have for novels -1

Thoughts of failed collections. Such as collections of football stickers, Viking figures, Penguin Classics and poetry – 5

Red hair – 4

That I was paid with cigarettes as a means to avoid housing benefit. That I was a junky – 0

Pictures of a road without blue bells. BLUE BELLS. Space – 0

A pub becoming a pharmacy becoming where they found his body – 1

Reeds – 1

Thoughts of unsent emails to literary agents – 4

Thoughts of hasty emails sent to literary agents about hastily written novels – 42 (at least)

A child echoing my chidlhood – 1

This dog is tame, is your dog tame? – 1

Crying because of trains – 1

The sun’s polar reversal and what this means for light -1

That I never trusted the sun. That I’ve always admitted this – 1

America and all its jokes – 1

America and a dream I had in 1995 (at least) about playing football in Central Park – 2

America and Charles Bukowski and wanting to admit to someone you think he’s shit but no one is listening and then you remember you used to like Henry Miller -1

How sports stars lie. Especially Uruguayans (especially racist Uruguayans) – 1

Wondering if I’ll ever go back to the town where I was born. Make it back – 6

It’s not high – 1

Last week I lied about my ancestry. It’s not the first time – 1

I don’t care about Germany. I don’t want to believe a myth that only Germans can have a quiet drink. I drink quietly. I’m drinking quietly now. My grandfather was German – 2

Making lists of the novels I should never have written – 1

Making lists of the poems I should never have written – 6

Lyrics from 1990’s music such as ‘a melody always finds me whenever the thought reminds me…’ or ‘give me one last wish before I walk out of this…’-1

I’m not in Brooklyn. I’m not – 9

Thinking about editing a novel I never wanted to write – 1

Thinking about how easily my novel has been consistently dismissed – 7

Realising my novel isn’t a novel – 1

Realising I have too many Oxford shirts and I’ve never been to Oxford – 1

Sleeping in the afternoon. Making notes about fantasises – 1

Another child (not mine) -1

Another candle going out – 3

Unresponsive televisions – 1

The sound of unresponsive televisions trying to respond (sort of a wheezing death) – 1

On being an anti-statistic – 1

Worrying about the NHS – a lot

Not worrying enough about Syria etc. – 19

Worrying too much about the sun – 19

Worrying too much about emails from literary agents – 1

Playing football with Germans who were really Turkish and Irish Americans circa 1996 – 1

Smoking like a criminal. Not in number. In the sucking – 1

The worst year of my life – 2007

Sunburn (severe) – 1

The acoustics of valleys – 1

Killshots and honesty – 72

The sun as it sets over an estuary. Realising it’s not an estuary, it’s just a wide section of river at low tide – 1

Birds such as choughs and jays – 24

A swarm of bees over a field in Cheshire – 1

The inadequacy of existence. ‘Doesn’t she make you want to live?’ Pause. ‘Can you hear me? Doesn’t she? She does, doesn’t she? She does, does she?’ – 2

Alone – 33

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About michaeleganpoetry

Liverpool based poet and editor. I have had four pamphlets of poetry published, most recently After Stikklestad (Knives, Forks and Spoons Press, 2010). Penned in the Margins published my first collection, Steak & Stations, in 2010.

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